alien report

Sarah Potter

Dear Commander,

            I have now spent 3 days on the planet earth, at Rutgers Preparatory School and have been observing their dinning routines very carefully.  Inside their “cafeteria” they have all different types of food. They have this whole long table just for, what one small human called, “salad”. I don’t even know what salad is but the only people who seemed to be eating it were the older humans and some of the female small humans. Then there was another long table just for “sandwiches”. It had 4 different types of bread, 5 different meats, 3 different cheeses, and some other things I do not know the names of. At the end of this table there were these machines that flattened and heated the sandwiches. I didn’t know it was hot when I touched it. I have a severe burn on my left hand.

            Then the biggest section for the food had two different sides. They were serving some unhealthy things called hamburgers and French fries. You’ll never guess what a hamburger is made of, cow. These humans eat animals! I was so discussed. Apparently so were some other humans considering there were about 4 different options of this yellow substance called “pasta”. It was drowned in a butter sauce, I think. These humans eat disgusting things. More than half of the options in this cafeteria were unhealthy. I’m surprised no one dropped dead after eating some of the food. I will report back in 3 days.

            Corprol, Xenon